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The CC - Into Murky Emotional Depths
Into Murky Emotional Depths What starts out for me as a straightforward conversation, often gets tangled in murky depths of emotion. Not every problem is really about the problem. Sometimes what’s really being said, I’m not hearing. Not long ago, I was asked to consult with a bookkeeping firm that was onboarding new clients. In this portion of a video call, there’s a dialogue mismatch between the bookkeeper “Priya” and her potential client’s employee, “Anika”. See if you can spot it. Anika sighed, “I’m trying to figure out how to get this all done; it’s stressful.” Priya responded quickly: “We just need the last four months of data.” As I listened, I identified with his desire to move the conversation toward the goal, which was simply to find out when Anika will be done. But Anika was only ready to talk about the pressure she was under. “OK. But I’m also the project coordinator, and answering clients' calls all day.” Priya pressed again, “But this has to be done also. We all know the deadline.” “The next 10 days I'll be busy invoicing, I’ll see if I can squeeze it in after that.” Feeling unsupported, I could hear her moving towards just placating Priya. Priya tried to be encouraging: “Once you get started, let us know. We’ll see what we can do to help you.” But under the strain, Anika blurted out, “You know, I don’t even want to do this job, I’m probably quitting soon.” Stunned, Priya tried to be sensitive, “Oh, no! That’s too bad. I hope you can get through the next few months with our help.” Neither of them left the call feeling great. Priya thought her role was to solve Anika’s problems; she left puzzled as to why her solutions didn’t land. Anika felt overwhelmed and left frustrated and unheard. Both had an intention to communicate clearly, but they were having different conversations. Anika was speaking emotionally. Priya stayed practical, and the gap between them widened. It’s a huge eye opener for me to admit that since most dialogue needs a basis of understanding, even trust. How do I move from simple transactional to more relational communication? Here’s what I’m working on:
It’s awkward for me. It takes a decision in my mind back up. And lay down my natural desire to get facts, provide help, and push for agreement. When ignored, I end up annoyed or surprised that my solutions didn’t help. But when I, even clumsily, listen and value their emotions, the conversation feels more connected, and trust builds. And stuff gets done. I would love to connect with you on LinkedIn or Facebook See you next week, Grayson Did someone forward you this email? Get weekly reflections straight to your inbox by subscribing to The Compassionate Competitor. Want to share this issue via text, social media, or email? Just copy and paste this link: [ARCHIVE URL GOES HERE] |
Grayson Bain
Join us if you're yearning for business insights peppered with adventure, humanity, and a dash of humility. It’s more than success; it’s about significance.
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