Online and In-Person Relationships

I'm struggling with how relationships function in a digital world. I think I could summarize my thoughts with this: Online, I can multiply them. In person, I deepen them.

I was trying to avoid the downpour, rushing between awnings, trying to stay dry. I was meeting an old friend for coffee, for no reason. What I mean, is there was no purpose to our time; no network building, no strategy to advance.

I saw him standing at the Breka counter, and firmly clamped my wet hand on his jacket. I asked as Fred turned toward me, “You're OK without having a set purpose for our coffee time?”

“That’s the best kind,” Fred exclaimed as he ordered a muffin; "I had no time to eat today, but I was looking forward to seeing you.”

We sat across from each other at a tiny table, I wrapped my cold, wet hands around my mug of cafe misto. Fred asked, “What’s happening for you at work, in your family, and for sure, I’d like to hear how it is for you personally.”

His warm blue-grey eyes invited me to speak, “Ok, let me tell you." I said.

As I spoke, I watched how he leaned back in his chair, and how he had his hands open, appealing for me to continue. I noticed the small quirk in the corner of his mouth and the glisten in his eye when I talked about my children.

Something rich happened in that ninety minutes; we didn’t need any KPI to justify the meeting.

To scale, to reach many people, I write posts via social media and have digital conversations. It’s a distinct form of social interaction with its own unique dynamics and implications.

In the next hour, I’m anticipating a MS Teams video engagement with a general contractor living outside the city. I will be listening to how he’s trying to negotiate the demands of a major project. It’s impossible to meet him in person.

For sure, this meeting online is not simply a digital imitation of my meet-up with Fred over coffee. While social platforms are efficient for exchanging information, they often strip away the nuanced social signals that build the richness of relationships.

Face to face there’s such a diversity of expression. It’s been said that only 7% of an in-person conversation is the actual words spoken. I remember the damp cold of the coffee shop. Memories of Fred’s wet jacket, his little chuckles, his posture and his hand gestures.

As I get older, I have more time for meeting online and especially in person. If you’re willing, we can meet on MS Teams, or even better, I can be fully present.

So let me know if you’re in the neighbourhood of Fraser and 49th, we’ll go for coffee.

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​I would love to connect with you on LinkedIn or Facebook​

See you next week,

Grayson

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