Join us if you're yearning for business insights peppered with adventure, humanity, and a dash of humility. It’s more than success; it’s about significance.
The CC - Shedding My Shell
Shedding My ShellIt’s been over 5 years, but I’m still struggling with how to live without work being the structure that defines my week. For most of my life, each week had an objective: build, or grow a company. I didn’t have time to think about my “worth” very much. I had my position which provided me with definition, validated by a community around me, with money as my measure. It’s been a painful process shedding this set of values. These last months I’ve been moving away from paid consulting. I seem to need to shed this also. I really miss the rhythm more than the actual jobs. Mondays set up the week’s flow, problems that needed solving, people counting on me, and Fridays came with a sense of accomplishment. This rhythm for the week has always been like my exoskeleton, similar to that of the lowly shrimp. His protective shell is his structural integrity. The shrimp knows he’s growing and therefore has to split the shell open and break it off. Even though he also knows his new soft and pliable shell makes him vulnerable to predators. Like a shrimp, my old identity has to be cast off, and for now, the new one is uncertain, and I feel exposed. When I lose the significance of a full week of work, I desperately want to find another productive activity to stick in its place. My thinking says “I need certain things in my week. Regular things to act on at least gives me a form of comfort.” I’m quite sure there’s something better out there. Certainly it can’t be defined as hanging out in retirement! Some days this causes a lot of angst. It seems so much aging ends up feeling futile and meaningless. Most don’t say anything, but people at my age, in the search for meaning can come up empty. So they just keep plodding through the weeks. This is so frustrating; there should be something more. It’s true, I can’t cycle as far, and my memory is slowing down. But I'm digging around to find if there’s an intentional journey where my “worth” is. I just know it’s no longer about work. I’m seeking a more authentic identity, the even deeper and truer “Grayson”. For decades I built companies. Now I’m trying to grasp how to build a life that isn’t measured by them. I can catch glimpses of where my “worth” resides in places like these:
Each morning I still ride up the hill from the Fraser River to the office, and really enjoy this first jolt of fresh ‘old’ air. Then comes the hard part; trying to grasp what will really matter for the day. I know it's coming: One day I won’t be able to climb that hill. So who will I be when I can’t? Are you approaching this stage of life? We all need to recognize the shell we’re comfortable in and yet find a way to let it go. Are you feeling exposed like I do? It’s easy for me to get lost in my own maze of thoughts, bewildered and uncomprehending. Sharing an email or visit with you may help us both. I would love to connect with you on LinkedIn or Facebook See you next week, Grayson Did someone forward you this email? Get weekly reflections straight to your inbox by subscribing to The Compassionate Competitor. Want to share this issue via text, social media, or email? Just copy and paste this link: [ARCHIVE URL GOES HERE] |
Grayson Bain
Join us if you're yearning for business insights peppered with adventure, humanity, and a dash of humility. It’s more than success; it’s about significance.
The Self-Help Trap: When Improving Keeps You Stuck In the late 1990’s our RaceFace manager and I went out for a beer after the Eurobike show in Germany. He was very self-focused, a disciplined leader with a very competitive view of the world. I’ll never forget his response when I asked him, “Do you treat all your business and social relationships as competition?” "It’s the only way.” he responded, with just an off-hand wave. “It’s a contest in which I intend to succeed. Others will inevitably...
What’s Thistle and What’s Seed. On LinkedIn, I’m constantly propositioned to buy the seeds of leadership growth. Titles bombard me through sponsored posts, “Here's the 12 Seeds to Grow Successful Leaders.” For the first two-thirds of my life, this worked. I needed these seeds and planted them to grow a flourishing family, company and a leadership personality, one that caused me to be appreciated within a larger community. But I’m realizing that those seeds will not be the best to carry me...
Learning to Have New Ambitions. I wrote last week, “The Rare Gift of Attention”, and many of you responded positively. Thanks for that. But none of this attention-giving is natural for me. It’s actually often frustrating. My attention is towards ambition. It’s ambition that drives me into new and great projects. I’ve prided myself on pushing the boundaries of business and adventure. It’s surprising that after all these decades I can still look back over my shoulder and see clearly the mind of...