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The CC - That's not a Feeling
That's not a Feeling “How do you feel?” my friend asked. “Normal, I guess.” “But that’s not a feeling.” “Yeah, OK. I’m good, fine. Whatever. Why’s it matter how I feel?” “Grayson, not naming your feelings makes it harder to connect; with others and even with yourself.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked. “If you have a limited vocabulary for your emotions you’ll have difficulty in keeping up with yourself; before you’re overwhelmed, stressed or even depressed.” “Haha. Yeah. OK.” “No really, what are you feeling?” I don’t know! I clench my jaw sometimes. That’s usually a warning sign when I start to shut down inside. But as an old white guy, I’m not used to dwelling on how I feel, good or bad. I just don’t talk or even think about emotions. Especially anxiety or fears.” My friend smiled. “You’re much more open than when I knew you 30 years ago.” What changed? His words lingered in my mind. Most of my life I’ve thought about projects, decisions, directions, actions; but not feelings. It has always been easier to analyze what’s happening around me than to name what’s happening inside me. What depths and richness I have missed in others by only dwelling on what’s seen! What matters most for authentic connections is “seeing feelings” and letting the conversation go deeper. In mentoring and consulting, I’m learning to discern emotions, not just hear words. It’s a good day when someone trusts me with their uncertainty, their hope, or even their anxiety. It’s better when I find the courage to meet them there with my own vulnerability. Each day, I’m a bit more aware of how to look around, to see what you and I are feeling. The bleak, emotionless places inside me are greening up. Emotions I could never name, or even recognize are emerging. They’re tiny, tender and surprising. This flourishing didn’t come from reading another leadership book, it came from my habit of writing. Putting words to emotion has been one of the hardest and most freeing experiences of my career. I spend almost 20 hours each week on a Saturday post; listening to what emotions stir inside. When I get a glimpse of what I feel, it helps me recognize emotions in others. I’m befriending my true self. And in that friendship, I’m finding a deeper connection with my family, friends, and those I mentor. I would love to connect with you on LinkedIn or Facebook See you next week, Grayson Did someone forward you this email? Get weekly reflections straight to your inbox by subscribing to The Compassionate Competitor. Want to share this issue via text, social media, or email? Just copy and paste this link: [ARCHIVE URL GOES HERE] |
Grayson Bain
Join us if you're yearning for business insights peppered with adventure, humanity, and a dash of humility. It’s more than success; it’s about significance.
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